Twenty-seven variations
1) Lipogram in b, c, h, j, p, q, s, u, w, x
& z
Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn
2) Lipogram in a
To be honest, sweetie, I don’t give two hoots
3) Left-handed lipogram (obscure)
Care? Dearest, water tastes stewed
4) Missing letter
Frankly, my ear, I don’t give a damn
5) Two missing letters
Rankly my ear, I don’t give a damn
6) Strict palindrome
Nma, dae vigt nodi ready my lkn, arf!
7) Alphabetically
AAAA DDD EE F G II K L MM NNN O RR T V Y
8) Anagram
I demanded rank vigor, my tan fly
9) Curtailing
Frankly my dear, I don’t give
10) Homovocalism
Many have gay brio, still we want balls
Phase action infers attack
All elation is easy as
11) Synonymous
No, I can’t commit, either
12) Letter substitutes
Frankly my rear, I don’t give a damn
Frankly my dear, I don’t give a dame
Frankly my dear, I don’t live a damn
13) Lipogram in e
Fuck you, darling
14) Emphasis
Frankly, by which I mean being as blunt as
possible, without any other interpretation of my words, not shrouded in mystery
or any form of ambiguity, my dear, by which I mean one of whom I am fond,
though not excessively, “dear” implying a certain distance not availed me by
more emotive words such as “darling” or “angel”. I don’t give a damn, that is
to say I couldn’t care less, I am utterly unaffected by the outcome of events.
I use the biblical term “damn” in order to reinforce my attitude, carrying as
it does connotations of Lucifer, the Destroyer, enemy of all mankind and the
strongest word I could invoke to show that I really am not bothered in the
slightest. I just wanted to make that absolutely clear.
15) One letter added
Frankly my drear, I don’t give a damn
16) Absolute negative
I’m not sure, you loathsome piece of shit, but I
think that I really do care
17) n+7
Frankly my decapod, I don’t give a Dane
18) Interference
a) Frankly, plump, stately Buck Mulligan my dear
b) In the beginning was the Word, I don’t give a
damn
19) Homophony
For A.N.K. Lee, my idea, a doughnut giver, with jam
20) Interrogative
What do you care what I think?
21) Homoconsonantism
For Unk: ally my dreadnaut gave domain
22) Vulgar rhyme
Frankly my dear, I’m hear for the beer
I don’t give a damn for your dead brother Sam
23) Brechtian narrator
Here the alpha male absolves responsibility with
his dismissive curtness
24) Amplification
Why should I bother myself with you, after all I’ve
been through?
25) Reduction
Go away
26) Irrelevant subtext
How does my moustache look?
27) Equation
If x equals your finer feelings, and y is my interest, then x over y equals zero
Wave 3.5c
After Oulipo
November, 2010
Poems
Matt Fallaize
Matt Fallaize is a writer and chef living and working in Ormskirk, Lancashire; wherein he doles out texts and meals in uneven quantities. A chapbook, L39, is available from Erbacce Press, further information can generally be dug up at http://coastaltown.blogspot.com/