work

money talks. i just don’t understand
- tom raworth

i a spirit

i a spirit not-dead-not-alive.

 

this name of my work. work only thing i do. even sleep i work. easy work but.

 

i stay in house all time. all time. never go out. not buy food. not meet friend. not cut hair. not drink coffee not laugh. just stay in. this my work. not magazine work. not television work. not advertisement actor. guard work.

 

my dictator bring my body here. long time ago. ten week? more. say to man-own-house he my husband. he not my husband! he my dictator! he joke like this! i smile because he tell my body smile. man-own-house smile. my dictator-say-he-husband smile. we smile. we all smile. my dictator put his arm on my body. we smile more. dictator pay man-own-house thick parcel paper money. man-own-house smile for real. tooth and tooth and tooth. happy man.

 

my dictator say he new husband. say we use house make sex. he wave finger at man-own-house. he tooth-smile. he tell man-own-house

- you not surprise us!

man-own-house laugh and close one eye. he look at my chest. he go red face. he go wet face. he clean face-top with white cloth. he say have good time and watch my chest again. he go.

 

my dictator go. we make no sex and good. i not even know what it mean. he tell my body stay. he say if man-own-house come back not come in. go to door in chest-support and under-pants say go away my husband and i make sex. i say

      - where?

he say

      - what?

i say

      - where we make sex?

because i not know what it mean. he look at my face. he say

      - it not matter. in bed.

my dictator go. he send other slave with many plant and light but he go. i smile.

 

so this my work. my work day.

 

i stop sleep. i go up. up up. under roof. i look at plant. they look well? i look at the pipe. they leak? i look if food flow in water good. no soil! only pipe and water and food fluid. plant factory under roof! help young person be calm and weak. not poison. good drug. kind drug. young people here must be calm and weak. too much to choose. calm and weak help.

 

it all good? good. i take my leave from plant. two or three. i go down. down down. down to cook room. i put leave in cook box. heat leave. slow. slow. not burn. not yet. i eat flat corn and milk. milk cold as ice. corn smash in mouth. another deep plate. another. no reward for be thin. guard work not advertisement actor. i make coffee. i drink happy to forget advertisement for now. i look out of window. all house brown brick and white board sky grey ground grey. so beautiful. not-beautiful beautiful but.

 

my two three leave dry now. take out pipe – bottle and water and tube. silver paper cover tube top. silver paper full of small small hole. crush leave on silver paper. burn leave and pull smoke in to chest. nice cool smoke. hold in. hold in. release. better. again. more better. every again make it more better.

 

i stand up. my leg and leg shake. my head swim. i go to television. i turn on. i sit on long soft seat. i watch television. i spread across long soft seat.

 

the people not head-correct i think. they appear bad on television. why they do this? they can stay home and watch. why appear? not advertisement actor. fat and delicate and angry. insult betray and make emergency. man in black and man in black make them separate again. they happy for separate. too fat to make emergency and breathe.

 

bell for door sound. my turn big breathe out. i stand up. i remove my dress. i go to door in chest-support and under-pants. house feel cold. i open door. man-with-mail smile. watch my chest. smile. watch.

      - what you want?

      - wood unite to no.

each day. i not understand but i understand. i fast-take mail fast-shut door. he open door hole and his mouth fill it.

- i one a for cure brain south.

i take big knife from little table and push it in door hole. door hole smash shut. man-with-mail laugh and laugh get more small as he walk away. at last only bird sing.

 

i shake once with cold so go put dress back on. look at clock. time for coffee.

 

while coffee cook i look at mail. all mail plastic-cover advertisement-magazine. i like advertisement-magazine. all people in advertisement-magazine smile and never cold even in chest-support and under-pants. i do the smile – big tooth empty smile. i put my hand just right. i turn my face to side. i do my big tooth empty smile.

 

but advertisement-magazine make thought of home. because at home advertisement-magazine all i know of this place here. i must not think of home. i decide not to when i go. all thought must be of clean new future. of happy big tooth smile.

 

coffee ready. i go watch television.

 

i watch child television. color all bright. creature and creature and creature all good. music all smile-rich-fresh. i laugh and laugh and laugh.

 

i eat rice-disk for my middle meal.

 

bell for door sound. my big breathe out. i stand up. i remove my dress. i go to door in chest-support and under-pants. house still feel cold. i open door. man-own-house stand there. i say

- what you want?

he look at my chest. he say

- your husband there?

i say

- we have sex.

he say

- yes please.

i say

- you go or my husband kill you.

he look at my chest again. he clean face-top with white cloth. he say

- good buy sweet.

he go.

 

i get more leave and smoke them. i watch question television. question-dictator ask question. Two or four answer-slave sound bell. the more fast answer first. another bell. smile. social hand-on-hand noise. it make no sense but.

 

night come. i make cook-box potato and meat in bread. i get more leave and smoke them. i feel alone like a single star in the universe. i never know you can be so single. all this empty space my home now. all this bright nothing.

 

i tired. i not want to cry. i make dark go up to my bed lie down alone and sleep.

 




Wave 3.5c
After Oulipo

November, 2010

Novel excerpts

Will Ashon

Will Ashon has published two novels, "Clear Water" and "The Heritage" (both Faber & Faber). A novella, "Monsterboy," is due to be published by Future Fiction London in 2012.