Angry Weird Czechs
(Or how to behave when you meet them)

When I sometimes meet Americans or other foreigners living in Prague, one of the first questions they ask me is: "Hey Joe, why Czechs are so angry and sour?" How the hell I am supposed to know? Sure I am the Czech and I spend most of my lifetime living here but I also lived in Canada for almost twenty years. It seems I got so fucked up there I don't understand my own nation any more. Let me explain, I really had to leave Canada for serious health reason, and needless to say I came back with nothing. I mean really nothing. No money, no car, no gold or diamonds or...


I mean nothing, nothing. Nobody believed me first, but when I didn't buy or created some company, when I didn't buy a Mercedes and instead used my father's very old car, simply when they all realized I am not rich person, that actually I am a poor one, I went from the hero to the zero quicker then you say a big time looser. I tried to explain everything about the life in Canada, but more I tried the more they became suspicious and weird. Who knows what you did there, maybe you were fishing all the time instead of working, or even better, if you worked there like you work here, no wonder you got nothing! At those moments I had flashes in my head. Twenty years of hard work and...


What the hell happened to me and my money? For you living in Canada or The USA, I don't have to explain anything, however explaining anything to the Czechs is almost impossible. Twenty years (had) passed since the (in)famous "velvet revolution" and my own nation seems even more stupid then before. Now when you even don't need a passport while traveling most European countries, now when any information is available on the internet, now when you can travel and work or study anywhere you want, most Czechs are sitting on their big fat asses, drinking beer and complaining just about everything. Now, when the world crisis is happening they have even more reasons to complain. I tried to explain to them that having five large beer and three shots of vodka every day in a pub is not a crisis even if they are used to drink twice that amount of alcohol.... They through me out and promised to beat me up if I show my face again! Simply, this article would be too long and we should get some answers here. So why are the Czechs so angry and weir? The simple answer is, because they know fuck all about the life, that's all.


So if you are the world traveler and you are coming to Czech republic remember three things, like a moron always repeat the same things: the best beer in the world, the best looking girls in the world and we, the Americans are idiots and warmongers but now when Obama is the president everything will change!


Also remember, ideally you are a manager of computer company and you came here to open a new branch office, simply you are somebody! It will open few doors and legs too .... And if you don't have enough money on you? You are just waiting to sell one of your houses, damn crisis! Trust me, nobody will believe you that you are a poor men, after all you came from the almighty USA or friendly Canada....


PS. The Czech are not bad people, just 6o years of "communism" did a real good number on them, you might find them pleasant and friendly, but remember what I told you!

Ekleksographia:
Wave Two

March, 2010

Fiction

Joe Lenin

Joe Lenin (Josef Salon), a Czech Republic based writer, spent 20 years in Canada before returning to Prague. He writes short stories, and his novel You've Got To Be Kidding Me was published in English. He welcomes contact: josefsalon@hotmail.com.